Home Journeys South Africa Safari '09 Icelandic Adventure '08 Antarctic Expedition '07 Alaska Inner Passage '05 Sculptures Just Out of the Kiln Recent Pieces Horses The 'Blue' Period Reclining Nudes 'R Us Hallucinogenic-Inspired Contact Robert

Sculptures

These surreal sculptures of Dragons, Horses and Beasts of unkown or long-forgotten origin are the work of neighborhood-renowned Dentist-Turned-Sculptor Robert Bleier.

Question them NOT, you should, or mired in problems you'll be! (Our apologies to Yoda and George Lucas, in that order)

Just Out of the Kiln - December 2011
!!! The Blew Boy !!!

This is the Blew Boy! Get it?!?! He's Blue, and he Blew? No THAT'S madcap comedy!	Blew Boy in his natural habitat.	Tushie view of the Blew Boy.
The Blew Boy, who by the way is blue, can blow your ears off with his blues horn.	Because the Blew Boy, (Who, as we mentioned earlier, plays the blues) plays so long and loud, his face often turns... wait for it... it's coming... blue.
I don't know how many more Blew/Blue gags I can come up with.	Can you do the Blew/Blue humor better? Let's hear what you've got! Email your best Blew/Blue gag in to NoReply@NonexistantBlewBlueEmailAddress.org (We had to use .org, because NonexistantBlewBlueEmailAddress.com was already taken)
Another tushie view of the Blew Boy blues player. He sure can blow.	I'm trying to come up with a gag that involves Blew, Blue and Stool, but it's just not working.	Side view of the Blew Boy. Notice the oh so with-it pony-tail that he's wearing. Tres cool.
Cool blues players like Blew Boy try to stay in the city when the play. Suburbs? OMG!	The Blew Boy's schedule for 2012 is wide open. Book your concert, wedding or Bar Mitzvah now, and get a 25% discount! And for a small additional fee, he'll bring along his Blew Rhythm Section and Blew Girl Vocalist! Call Now for a Quote!

 

September 2011 - The Bobbsey Twins From Planet A10!!!
(Watch Out! They're coming with their Parents!)

The Bobbsey Twins are through with Finishing School! See the luster of their shared hair?	You may notice an updated base for the finished Bobbseys; it has everything to do with fashion trends on Planet A10 and nothing to do with a fit of OCD by the Sculptor
Three-Quarters tushie view of the Twins.	Notice that both parents wear Baby-Blue lipstick. Once again, everything to do with A10 fashion-forwardness, and nothing to do with the color-blindedness of forementioned Sculptor.
Planet A10 men find ruddily-complected women quite attractive. Many A10 women with fair complexions will get monthly Bo-Ruddy-Tox injections to stay appealing.	We can only hope and pray that our Planet Earth teens and tweens don't go for the same eye-shading fashionista trends that are currently all the rage on Planet A10.
Another 3/4 tushie view; in case you hadn't noticed, Planet A10 is a very tushie-o-centric culture.	One would think a doctor could help separate these twins at the hair follicle, but apparently their follicles include brain cells, crucial for thinking and stuff.
A close-up of one of the parent. Since both genders wear their hair long and use the same eye-liner and lipstick, it's often difficult for a Bobbsey to tell Mom from Dad.	We're pretty sure this is Gertrude Bobbsey, not Irma. Pretty sure. Relatively sure. OK, we have no clue. They switch eye-shading just to keep us guessing.

 

 

About To Enter The Kiln - June 2011

!!! The Bobbsey Twins From Planet A10 !!!

Another alert from Planet A10! This time, it's their version of the Bobbsey Twins. They're visiting our planets along with their parents. They had a hard landing, and their base blew up, but repairs are being made as we speak.

Why did they come here, you ask? We are uncertain at this time; it may be an innocent visit to enjoy the wonders of our planet, or it may be an insidious attempt to overthrow our government while the A10 Diplomats disengenuously feign interest in continuing negoiations. But HAH! We're onto them! And we're terribly pleased with ourselves for crowbarring insidious, disengenuous and feign into the same sentence. Pretty impressive, no?

(Click any picture below to open a larger image)

These young tweens share their hair with each other. And their parents are all wound up in it.

The young lady from "Tangled" is a short-haired Shirley Temple compared to Robert's Bobbseys! (Bobbsi?)

We're seeing a bit too much tushie from this view; parents, instruct your children to leave the room when viewing this image.

A close up of one of the Bobbsey Twins. You can tell this is Irma Bobbsey, and not Gertrude Bobbsey, by the pair of sissors that are always dangling just behind her.

 

January 2011- Diplomats From Planet A10

An important event took place back in January: Diplomats from Planet A10 had arrived via TSRC (Time-Space Roller Coaster: The Sculptor Bobby is pictured riding just such a device)!!!

They were dressed for this high level meeting wearing their finest jacket, shirt and a most fashionable Tie (When you take a closer look at the tie, notice the various shapes and colors; given Bobby’s eating habits, most – if not all – are likely soup stains).

With the Diplomats came three Trolls from the lava beds that are deep in the far reaches of their planet. These trolls act as guards; if anything goes haywire on the trip, these fearsome creatures, existing on the backs of the heads of the Diplomats, will step in and create calm where panic and chaos once reigned.

The two Diplomats on the right side have the same nose and may be related. The Diplomat on the left side was sent by their T Party, and looks to have a problem concentrating. They are here to discuss the possibility of having a trade agreement arranged so that they can ship their excess population to our planet!

(Click any picture below to open a larger image)

The "Before" Version - Diplomats From Planet A10
(Because Sculptures from Planet A9 weren't testing well with the crucial 25-39 year-old Demographic)

These Planet A10 Diplomats are ready to get their colors baked in. Let's contact the media.

And where better to bake this astonishing creation than in YOUR NEW KILN!!! That's right, from now on, you'll be kilning in style with the Olympic FL-12E Front-Loading Electric Kiln.

 

Surreal Sculptures Recently Extracted

April 2010
Bringing Up Babies on Planet A9
(Planet A9 Procreators are SO much cooler than those jerks on Planet A10!)

Those A10 weenies birth kids via some weird bug. How stupid is that?	On A9, we unscrew our kids out of the ground!!!	Just the way All-Seer Ooogle-Boogle intended!! Hah!
This side view provides a clear example of the posture problems Planet A9 residents face.	And notice how the kids get unscrewed as the come out? On A10 they get all screwed up!	<Can you tell that the Planet A9 residents have a HUGE inferiority complex?>
One FINAL A9/A10 comparison; we screw our kids out CLOCKWISE. THEY do COUNTER-clockwise.	One good aspect of the birthing process; very little schmutz on the ground afterwards.	You have to respect a race that is so "Do-It-Yourself" oriented.
Faces are on BOTH sides of the child's head, but only on ONE side of the parent's.	The kid's hair comes out this way. Planet A9 parents NEVER pay for haircuts.	See the look of surprise on this parent's face? She was expecting a girl...
They'd already named her and picked out nice formaldehyde-colored outfits (Formaldehyde = Pink on Planet A9).	This guy is NOT going to happy with the name "Gertrude". Not happy at all.	And th-th-that's the way it is on Planet A9. Happy Birthing to You, Too!!!

 

---

 

November of 2009
Procreation on Planet A10
(You don't even want to KNOW how it happens on Planet A9!)

Click on any image below for a larger view
Yeah, that's right. Mommy's got a creature for a womb; you gotta problem with that?	Where does the baby gestate, you ask? How embarassing for you! Kids on Planet A10 learn about THAT in 2nd Grade!!!
And yes, as a matter of fact, the baby IS extracted via the belly button. But only when an emergency planetA10-section is required.	Think of it less as a pregnancy and more as a competition pitting mom against baby against creature.
Interestingly, the creature isn't just part of the womb, but also a sort of Planet A10 mid-wife. Actually, think of it as a cross between a mid-wife and a pre-natal life coach.	This particular creature was trained at Planet A10's prestigious University of WombMaster Technology, aka "Bug Tech".
And look how CUTE Baby looks in his genuine Louis Vitton knicker neck-tie!	Mother wears a matching neck-tie during baby extraction. Birthing is a very formal affair on Planet A10.
Your Clever Procreation-based Advertisement Here!!! (They're even feeling the effects of the recession on Planet A10!!!)	What, no worry wrinkles? No frown-lines? It's unfortunate that Mom felt the need to inject botox into herself this soon after giving birth...

March 2009

Martian Dragon Giving Birth to Triplets Take THAT, Octo-Mom!!!!

Dragon Sculpture from October 2008

The Tres Dragones!!! ("The Three Amigos" was already taken)

Fantasy Elephant Sculpture From October 2008

Rampaging Elephants recently found in the Northridge Highlands Will the San Fernando Valley never be rid of this Public Nuisance?

 

Surreal Close Encounter Sculpture from January 2008

Close Encounters of a Deadly Kind (This is what happens when Penguins go for a dip alone)

 

---

 

Sculpture with a Decidedly Surreal Bent From August 2007

Metamorphic (A Screamingly Shocking Dragon-Munch-Beast)

 

Dragon Sculptures From May 2007

Irish Dragon: Before... (Your favorite "Enter the Irish Dragon" joke here!)	...and After! (Now, how do you like me?!?!)